Some of you out there that know me may also know that for a brief time I attended St. Lawrence Catholic school until around the 2nd grade. I had lots of friends and so on and it was okay w/ the priests and sisters hanging around blessing all the kids or calling us " little chatter boxes," but I definitely never really felt like I fit in... In fact, like many people on this planet I have often had a feeling of alienation at times in my life, but that's another story. Anyway, the school overall was fine I guess... the uniforms seemed lame, everyone played kickball all the time and school was super boring like any other school. But there was one day that really sticks out to me... to this day I don't get the point of it all!!!
It all started as a pretty normal day in the second grade. I remember that there were two second grade classes and we would switch rooms for different subjects and so on. I was always pretty bored in school when I was that age... or any other really. Typically, the teacher would teach us... excuse me, learn us a few things and then we would work in our workbooks for the rest of the class. This particular week was being taught by a substitute teacher that for the sake of confidentiality I will call Mrs. Havefreakingcowington! So we learn the lesson and Mrs. Havefreakingcowington tells us which pages to do in our stupid workbooks. So I went to work and finished my assignment in record time so that I could get down to the business of drawing and of course getting out of class.
I remember drawing a picture of the Incredible Hulk heavily inspired by the Live action TV series, which I believe was then doing TV movies? Anyway, I finished the picture and proceeded to draw on my hands 1.) because to this day I draw on my hands because it's fun and 2.) when I finished the hand art I was going to brilliantly ask the teacher to use the restroom so I could wash my hands and get out of class. How could this plan fail? So I draw in muli-colored washable markers all over my hands and even on my wrists a little bit, and then casually ask Mrs. Havefreakingcowington if I can "be excused to wash my hands." She sharply and w/ out soul or sense of humor tells me to go to the principals office and show him what I did.
I hadn't ever been in trouble at school up to that point in my life, so needless to say, that was a long walk to the office. In my mind I didn't understand why I was being sent there? I was done w/ my work and simply trying to get out and walk around for a few minutes... I seriously hated sitting there was all. I was close to just going and washing my hands on the way to the principals because what could they do? The evidence would be gone? I have always been too honest (at least, at the start of this story) so I couldn't do it and continued the long and lonely walk to face the music!
When I finally reached the principals office I remember the school secretary asking if I needed help... I just told her needed to show the principal my hands... She called Mr. WellIhavegottodosomethington out to take a look. I remember that he looked confused at first and I had to explain why I was there. Meaning, I really don't even think he would have cared had I just been a kid in the hall w/ marker all over my hands... in fact he probably would have told me to wash my hands!!! So he looks at me a minute and then goes to his office and comes back w/ some rubber gloves. He says something like "Here Kid wear dees' n' tink' about what you's done n' show you's parents when you's get home. Now get outta here before I give you's such a blessin'!" (The principal was in witness protection) The Catholics are hardcore man! What the hell?!! I am pissed being an adult right now and reliving this!!!
So I finish the rest of my day, and as a kid I worried a lot, so I thought about it all day! I didn't fully understand what I had done... all I knew what that everyone was acting like I was some sort of asshole! ( I have had the rest of my life to perfect that aspect of myself) So I devise this plan as I am getting ready to leave school. It was winter so I would put my gloves over the rubber gloves, then go straight into the bathroom when I get to my grandma's house and flush them down the toilet!!! The worse part is that by the time I got there I was so sick to my stomach from worry that I went to the bathroom and puked my guts out! The irony is I ended up actually having the flu or something. Anyway, a few weeks went by and eventually my mom was called in for a conference to talk about various "problems" I was having in school... (I collected Garbage Pail Kids cards too... the Catholics hate the Garbage Pail Kids everyone know that!) and it all started because I DREW ON MY HANDS!!!!!!!!!!!
So what's the lesson I learned from all of this? What knowledge was I about to "Draw" out of this surreal situation? Nothing man! I still draw on my hands! I continued the draw on my hands all through school! And no teacher ever had an issue w/ it and no job I have ever had has said anything about it to me! Because no one cares! If your hands are dirty wash them! It's that simple! Shortly after the hand drawing episode I transfered schools and Mrs. Havefreakingcowington became acting principal! I guess I did learn one thing... Assholes always seem to thrive and eventually get ahead... and Mrs. Havefreakingcowington was an huge asshole!